I was born into a small village where everyone knew one another. There were no secrets kept hidden and people were judgemental of everything - and everyone. I was born in 1984 - like the book I cannot get out of my head - to an unemployed mom and a hard-working, barely-there, dad. I came second after my brother who was under-fed as a baby because Mom didn't produce enough milk. There were to be two other girls after me.
I had an awkward relationship with my big brother - one day he was nice and the other, he would start the humiliation session at school.
Souvenir
We walked to school as we lived nearby. On that very first day of elementary school - I remember a crisp fall morning with glorious sun and the bluest sky - I was met by a guy named Patrick at the school's fence. There was only one park entrance, so he couldn't have missed me. I don't know what I have ever done to warrant such anger toward myself. The moment I came into his sight, he started calling me names and insulting me.
After that, I don't remember. I don't know if I answered back or if anyone defended me. That's something I am very good at: burying unpleasant souvenirs.
As a kid, I was told I could do/become everything I wanted. TV conveyed this idea, and later on, the Internet did. Nowadays, you have things such as People Are Awesome videos where you glimpse a tiny bit of a person's life and this tiny bit displays amazing talents. If it's not on the Internet, it's not real, it didn't happen.
This feeling that I've been despoiled of something (because I've been promised so much and nothing has happened) is not unique. Since I hit adulthood, I felt there was something missing, lacking, in our society because everything is available. There's such a large range of choices and a lack of guidance? spirituality? makes us feel lost. It's particularly true in Québec where we threw religion down the drain during the Quiet Religion. Not me specifically but my grandparents/parents.
In the small village I was born in, though, religion took its time to lose its strength. My mom once confessed that she wouldn't have had kids given the choice. But women weren't given much choice 40-plus years ago. It's still difficult for women to decide to not have kids; they will forever have to justify their decision. But that's for someone else to argue about!
We walked to school as we lived nearby. On that very first day of elementary school - I remember a crisp fall morning with glorious sun and the bluest sky - I was met by a guy named Patrick at the school's fence. There was only one park entrance, so he couldn't have missed me. I don't know what I have ever done to warrant such anger toward myself. The moment I came into his sight, he started calling me names and insulting me.
After that, I don't remember. I don't know if I answered back or if anyone defended me. That's something I am very good at: burying unpleasant souvenirs.
As a kid, I was told I could do/become everything I wanted. TV conveyed this idea, and later on, the Internet did. Nowadays, you have things such as People Are Awesome videos where you glimpse a tiny bit of a person's life and this tiny bit displays amazing talents. If it's not on the Internet, it's not real, it didn't happen.
This feeling that I've been despoiled of something (because I've been promised so much and nothing has happened) is not unique. Since I hit adulthood, I felt there was something missing, lacking, in our society because everything is available. There's such a large range of choices and a lack of guidance? spirituality? makes us feel lost. It's particularly true in Québec where we threw religion down the drain during the Quiet Religion. Not me specifically but my grandparents/parents.
In the small village I was born in, though, religion took its time to lose its strength. My mom once confessed that she wouldn't have had kids given the choice. But women weren't given much choice 40-plus years ago. It's still difficult for women to decide to not have kids; they will forever have to justify their decision. But that's for someone else to argue about!
Comments
Post a Comment